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Two Free Birds

Shit happens and sometimes sharing it with strangers is better than therapy.

Category Archives: Things my mom says

I was telling my mom about something the other day that prompted her to ask, “So, is the bush making a comeback?”  She was serious and then asked me what was in style these days… down there.  I like how she thinks I am an expert on pubic hair styling.

Truth be told, I haven’t exactly kept up with my usual routine as of late.  For the most part, I’ve been bare down there since I was a teenager.  It was just the easiest thing for me to do.  I’m not a hairy person, so my options have always been all or nothing (I once made an ill-fated attempt at shaving my boyfriend’s first initial; it just looked like I shaved blindfolded).  For some reason, a bunch of women have been making a commotion lately about how getting a Brazilian* is so empowering.  It was even in the promo for The Big C, the highly anticipated original series from Showtime (yes, I will be setting my DVR).  Laura Linney’s character actually said she felt the need to “show it off.”  I found this funny considering I’ve always felt slightly awkward about being bare down there, like the men I slept with were secretly some sort of child loving pervert.

For me, I find the opposite empowering.  I stopped shaving.  I’m not in a relationship and at first I figured, who cares since nobody is going to see it.  What’s the point of getting it ripped out or investing in bottle after bottle of Tend Skin in order to fight off razor burn**?  Then, since I’m not some sort of celibate monk, I found myself in situations where men were indeed going to see it—au natural.  Turns out they really don’t give a fuck.  Seriously, they don’t care.  Now that is pretty empowering, not to mention cost-effective.

So, yes, I would say the bush is making a comeback.  Just make sure to keep it neat… if you know what I mean.  This ain’t the 70’s or National Geographic.

Last night, I brought this topic up and my guy friends looked at me like I was crazy.  They’re gay, what do they know about vaginas?

~m

*I worked for Aveda when I was 19—great employee discount.  My boss was in cosmetology school at the time and learning how to wax.  She needed someone to practice on and I happily volunteered.  Waxing is expensive!  She offered to wax anything and everything, even my armpits!  I decided that sounded ridiculously torturous, so I settled on legs and bikini.  Getting my bikini waxed by my boss in her home was awkwardly funny.  It was like the beginning of a cheesy porno.  The worst was when, after the waxing, I accidentally sent her an email telling her I loved her.  She shared the exact same name as my mother- oops.

** I interned for a stylist while going to school in Los Angeles.  One day, I was flipping through a photographer’s book of before and after photos when I came across some of the scariest razor burn I had ever seen.  I was looking at un-retouched photos of some very beautiful and very famous models.  The razor burn looked like it had gone radioactive.  It was severe.  I thought of all the men who might admire those photographs and never know of the ugly monster lurking in her nether regions.  Priceless

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