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Two Free Birds

Shit happens and sometimes sharing it with strangers is better than therapy.

Category Archives: Break-up of the month

Wasn’t I supposed to do a break-up story of the month or something like that? Yes, yes, I was.

I will start with my favorite story of all time.  It’s not technically a break-up story, more like a surprise-I’m-dating-other-people story.  This couple is actually still together and happily married today, which is what makes this story even better.

In fact, I think I will just let her tell it in her words.

“He asked me via phone call if we could meet for dinner because he had something he wanted to discuss. Stupid me, I didn’t listen to my little inner voice who said “uh oh!” I asked my best friend’s opinion as to what she thought he was going to say.(what the hell did she know? After all, I had slept with her boyfriend and she was none the wiser!) She was soooo sure that the talk was the “will you move in with me” talk. I got off work early so I could re-style my hair, etc. After two and a half hours, I must say I looked hot! He picked me up and informed me that this would be a quick dinner because he was going to a Sun’s game with his friend. The disappointment only got worse. We roll into Country Kitchen, not my ideal choice for a romantic dinner. I was smiling profusely while waiting for my artery clogging dinner. Within five minutes of the sloppy gravy covered mess set before me, he began hemming and hawing. As I bit into a juicy piece of chicken he just blurted out the sentence, “well, I just wanted you to know that I’m dating other chicks.” My ears started ringing CHICKS….How I hated that word when it referenced women! CHICKS….I was now choking trying to stifle my tears….CHICKS….my chest was vibrating with the pounding of my broken heart….CHICKS…SKANKS….I wanted to call my best friend and tell her she was stupid!….CHICKS…other girls, not just me, sharing his bed, how many…CHICKS..I sat across from him paralyzed with disappointment, nausea and heartbreak…and then came these comforting words…”uh, are you going to eat that chicken?” I plan to have this sentence engraved on his urn when he dies!”

The next time you feel down in the dumps over a guy, at least he didn’t break your heart in a restaurant on par with a Denny’s.


P.S. My neighbor (the one who tried to throw a rock at her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day) just got into another public yelling match.  I’m literally sitting here, writing this blog, with the front door wide open since the day was so lovely and I hear a whiny high-pitched “fucking whore” from across the street.  Even my dog took heed while he watched through the screen door.  This girl is out of control.  I feel sorry for her roommates because they seem like nice people… I say that because they brought over a bottle of wine to say hello after they moved in, whereas I usually avoid neighbors like the plague when I move somewhere new.