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Two Free Birds

Shit happens and sometimes sharing it with strangers is better than therapy.

Man Monday attempt number one.

Remember when I said I was going to start watching football?  Well, attempt number one was last night.  I met up with a friend who knows a surprising amount of sports gossip—it’s impressive.  Although, really by gossip I just mean accounts of infidelity (duh).  We sat at the bar for hours and the whole time I joked that my car was going to get towed because I parked in my “secret spot” (joked because I’d never been towed in that spot before)—still haven’t decided if I have magical powers or if the universe hates me.  As I was getting ready to leave, in what I assumed was an attempt to hit one me, the guy next to me said, “Should I hope your car gets towed?”  In hindsight, I’m thinking maybe I wandered onto a movie set last night and we were supposed to bond or something in one of those “meet cute” scenes.

I’ve never had my car towed and I’m not sure what I was expecting but it wasn’t this:

Me: “Where are you located again.”
Impound Lot Guy: “Turn East on 3rd and look for a white truck with the lights on, bring cash.”
Me to friend: “We are getting raped tonight.”

Pretty sure that operation isn’t legal, also thinking I should start up one of these little businesses myself.

When I arrived to make the transaction, it was literally just a guy in a truck, on a dark street, in front of a gated lot.  He asked me if my car was towed often because my name looked familiar.  I told him that I was a virgin hoping to get some sort of first timer discount… not so much.

Little tip:
Those signs that say your car will get towed are not just empty warnings, but maybe you’ll meet your dream man… or bond with a random creeper, whatever.


P.S.  When I was alone, car-less, and desperately trying to get a hold of my friend (who had just left) on a phone seconds away from dying, I realized I only had two numbers memorized—my mother’s and my ex’s.  Not sure who would have been more fun to call.

If this is any indication of how much my mother hates being inconvenienced, I actually would have called my ex.  Poor guy…  “Hey, it’s 1 am… on a Monday (Tuesday).. and you’re still my in case of emergency because I am too lazy to memorize any more numbers.”

Hmm, I think I’m gonna design a friendship bracelet with an engraving inside of all my best friend’s phone numbers.  That way if my phone dies I will not be forced to choose between my ex or my mother.  It will also come in handy for identifying my body should something really go wrong.


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