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Two Free Birds

Shit happens and sometimes sharing it with strangers is better than therapy.

We absolutely put the D in Dysfunctional!

So like most offices, there is one person who makes up the black cloud, and occasionally, there might be some small clouds who join, they create quite the overcast, but today all hell broke loose as mother nature whipped into a violent storm, raging winds and a downpour like never before.  This is the story of my office, and although some may think their office is the same, this particular office can not be duplicated.

I can remember the day I was called by the temp agency that I was working for (early April 2005), it was just a few months after I had parted ways with Morgan and moved back home from Los Angles after graduating school. I roamed around aimlessly looking for work to keep me busy while I searched for my dream job (Oh what a dream I found, lol). I stumbled upon what I thought was a well paid, easy-going, reception position with room to grow…little did I know all the evil that lurked behind those dollar signs.

I started at 9am, and when I arrived, no one was in sight to greet me. It was dark and spooky (yea, I said spooky, sue me) and out from no where, this tall, frail looking woman with stark white skin and black hair (completely skin and bones, no joke) appeared and said welcome, can I help you… and that was it… It only took me until lunch to realize what an awful place this truly was. At lunch, my agency called to see how the job was going… I responded with, “get me the HELL out of here, RIGHT NOW!”  They didn’t believe me and asked me to finish out the week… like a moron, I did (I am weak, I can’t help it).

Over five years later and a completely new staff (well all but 3), I am still here, rotting away at this awful job, in this awful office, no air conditioning, no heat, no light, shitty computers, and well, we have original decor from the 70s, and no not that cool tie-dye hippy shit, I am talking about wood paneling on the walls, insane pattern ugly chairs, leather tuck pointed sofas, and well, my wood desk might be solid, but I get a splinter from it every day!  If you think about it, I have had a total of over 1,825 splinters since I started here, I might as well be made out of wood… put on my strings and I will be singing:

“I’ve got strings
They hold me up
They tie me up, and fuck me up
I have strings
And I am not free
There are too many strings on me”

But one day… one day, I will rid my mind, soul and body of this hell and walk out singing:

“I’ve got no strings
To hold me down
To make me fret, or make me frown
I had strings
But now I’m free
There are no strings on me”

So the last five years sounds a little like this: I got this job by the luck of the draw, I thought it rocked until I arrived at the door. I met a scary lady who didn’t know anything about the phone, yet she tried to teach me how to be their receptionist… I stuck around to see how the attorneys (all men) were womanizers, how abusive all the work relationships were, how the women were caddy, and backstabbing. I witnessed how inappropriate relationships were between attorneys and legal staff including the 30 something assistant and the company owner, 50 years her senior.

I witnessed mentally insane fits of rage, breakdowns, and arguments, inner office drinking from their drawers (just like in the movies). I saw a partner/and a son leave over night, taking his assistant with him.  I saw many staff quit, one after another, after another, after another.  I saw too many temps to count…idiot, arrogant law interns and poor management. We have an office manager who couldn’t manage anything and a boss jumping ship and retiring after another partner passed away.  Another boss retiring due to several strokes and the loss of his eyesight, and finally a new partner taking over (pulling down) the business (he is sinking the titanic).

Imagine a surge of water flooding a small village; this is what has happened to my office.  Slowly the water recedes and then in just one surprising moment (such as that of today), the surge of water rushes, rising high and overtakes what is left… The black cloud hovers and the rain uncontrollably pours… soon everyone is uncomfortably left out in the rain, jobless, or heading that way…

All I can say is thank god I am graduating in a two and a half months… My office, the titanic, is sinking and it’s sinking fast.

This was one hell of a rant.   See, who needs therapy!



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